Thursday, August 9, 2012


Most of us coming out of IFB churches and organizations have to deal with family and friends. This separation can put a lot of strain on you, your spouse, your kids, and those around you. For some, family and friends have chosen not to associate with you and have “separated” from you. This is not easy.

Every situation is different but I have a few suggestions on what you can do based on my personal experience.

o   How hard it was for you to leave.
o   Why it’s hard for most people to leave.
·         The loss of family and friends
·         The lies, gossip, misunderstandings, mean, and unchristian things that will be done and said.
·         The assumption that they’re not following God any more and maybe they weren’t saved in the first place.
·         It's all they have ever known, and change is tough!

o   Some have spent decades in this type of church and organization and don’t know anything else.
o   They might not be aware of the abuses in other churches or possibly even their own church (lots of stuff is "behind the scenes" or hidden).
o   They’re comfortable where they are with what they know.
o   They might not see the problem.
o   If they do see a problem, they don’t know what to do.
o   That you didn’t see clearly all the abuse until you left.

o   Open to restoring relationships and friendships
o   Vigilant in pointing out abuse
o   Strong in your resolve to do what honors God
o   Prayerful – asking for deliverance of others from the hands of abusers

o   To speak up for victims
o   To not attack others

I’m more fortunate than some in that my sisters and we love each other and haven’t broken fellowship over our differences. I’m sure they’re concerned for my family because we left the IFB and we’re concerned because they’re still in it. Either way, we love and support each other. With my dad’s situation, I’ve not told my dad but I can imagine a parent’s displeasure that you’ve chosen a different path than what you’ve been taught.

Our goal is for our family to honor and please God, not please others. We just pray that we can keep shedding the light on abuse to bring about a change in the system of religion that we grew up in. We pray for change and we see it slowly as people leave the IFB for churches that love God and each other.

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