My Life in Fundyville by Fundy Rebel

I want to encourage you to read this woman's blog at My Life in Fundyville. This is a brand new blog. I'm sure you'll want to read all her entries and definitely read the comments where others have told their stories. I know this is going to be interesting and I'm looking forward to future posts.


Everyone's journey in/through/& out of "fundyville" will be different. I have considered what I grew up in as an average fundy church. I've been to "fundy lite," average, and even a couple of extreme fundy churches and there is a difference.

In some ways, I think that "fundy lite" can be more dangerous because it's subtle. It's easier to overlook because you don't realize the hold it has on you. As I went through life, what I thought was the Holy Spirit was just the "principles" and "guidelines" that I was taught to be a good Christian. It's not that the principles and guidelines were wrong but the things that we did and didn't do based on them caused us to think we were sinning, that others were sinning, or if they were better Christians, they wouldn't do certain things.

When you only show up for church services and not involved in any part of the ministries of a "Fundy lite" church, it is very easy to think that you're church is different and not involved in the power, manipulation, and control that you hear about it "other" churches. It's easy to miss that only certain people get "loved on" when sick or having a baby. Or, that only certain people, no matter talent or experience, get to teach a class, sing in front of the church, or be visible beyond working in the nursery.

You also come to believe that all other churches outside the baptist "umbrella" are wrong and teach a false gospel. When you finally venture out from under that "umbrella", you realize that this is not true.

One of the problems of growing up "fundy lite" is that it preps people for "hardcore fundy." I've seen multiple people make that step and it seems to be a natural transition. Unfortunately, these people see this step as a growth of spirituality instead of another level of control.


Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading Fundy Rebel's blog. I know there are too many people out there who will be able to relate to her story.

Why Would a Pastor Cover Up Abuse?

Ever since Tina's story first became public in May of 2010, I've had a dozen or more conversations with people that just can't wrap their minds around how Chuck Phelps could have made the decisions he did. Why did he call the police but not follow up by submitting a written report? Why did he decide to allow Ernie Willis to remain in the church, even serving as an usher and attending youth activities with his children while Tina was sent away? How could a pastor that professed to love people seem to have more concern for Ernie's family than a 15 year old girl that was raped? How could he have participated in a 15 year old girl being brought before a congregation full of people to apologize for her part in a "compromising position" (pregnant from a 38 or 39 year old man who admitted to the pastor he was the aggressor)?

For those that did not grow up in independent fundamentalist churches, the situation is beyond puzzling. It seems bizarre -- obscene even. How could the adults in the congregation not interrupt or intervene? I came across a video online that may help some asking those kind of "why" questions understand a little bit better. The video is of Bob Wood teaching a counseling class at Bob Jones University back in 1994. Bob Jones University is where Chuck Phelps got two degrees. Did he sit in this class I wonder? How many other graduates of Bob Jones University went on to teach similar classes to this at other schools in the BJU orbit? Did any of them teach at Hyles Anderson College? How many churches (along with their attached schools) and mission agencies (and attached schools) have been infected by this insidious, disgusting teaching?

Darrell over at Stuff Fundies Like posted the video with Bob Wood's teaching with his own comments.



Scriptural Principles for Counseling the... by EricITGuyatTHGC

I just can't help but wonder how many students sat under teaching like this at Bob Jones University and later applied the principles in the lives of children still suffering the damaging effects today. It is completely heartbreaking.

Reactions to Abuse

I’ve been thinking about the different reactions that people have when it comes to abuse. The idea of abuse just boggles my mind. I don’t understand the mentality that goes into harming another person. I know we’ve all done it to one extent or another but to purposefully set out to abuse another person physically, sexually, spiritually, and/or mentally, is something I have a hard time understanding. I sure we can boil a lot of it down to one person wanting to control another.

Most people struggle with the idea that a pastor can be spiritually abusive or that a relative might be sexually abusing children, especially when it comes to their children. It’s hard to imagine that your neighbor or co-worker physically abuses their spouse or children. It’s hard for us to recognize in ourselves that we might be abusive in our words and actions to those around us. 

Some of the reactions that we might have when it comes to abuse in any form is….

QUESTIONING GOD

“Why?” and “Where were you, God?” are always big questions when bad things happen but it seems to be a bigger question when you’re raised believing that God loves you and has your best interest at heart. It’s also harder because you might think that you’re sinning if you’re questioning God but there are many examples in Scripture that shows that asking God “why?” is a valid option and there’s no reason to feel guilty about it. We all want answers. Who better to ask than our Heavenly Father.

Some even go so far as to wonder if there is a God. If you’re taught that God is good and loving and in control of everything but then you’re abused by the people (parents, family, pastors, leaders, etc.) who are telling you this, is it any wonder people start to doubt? Is it any wonder that a lot of formerly religious people stopped going to church and some have become agnostic or atheist.

I like what Wade Burleson said regarding …Our Mistake About God on his blog. The entire article is good but I’ll quote a couple things. Wade says,

“Since evil is not part of God's nature, His allowance of evil to occur simply means He has a greater good in store, a greater good that would not exist were the evil to be prohibited. This is why God can hold the wicked accountable and responsible for their evil, but overcome their evil for good.”

“But God works ultimate good out of all things, including evil. For God to do this, he MUST know the end from the beginning.”

“But God works ultimate good out of all things, including evil….We can't comprehend how evil can be present for a greater good to occur. We can't fathom how One is outside of time and independent of time and has no need of time, but uses time for His glory and our ultimate good.”

QUESTIONING SELF

I have noticed that a lot of victims start wondering what’s wrong with them or what they did that made someone hurt them. Some start questioning their value as a person and some start questioning their sexual orientation. The abuse a person received from others sometimes turns inward to where they start to abuse themselves.

This questioning only gets worse if a victim does not get the support he/she needs from their family, friends, and spiritual leaders. There a many reasons why a person is not supportive but when it’s to protect someone other than the one who has been abused, it’s just despicable. For some, it’s just ignorance. We don’t understand what someone has gone through or we don’t understand how something that is said or done causes someone to question themselves.

The questioning of self may never go away but maybe with the right support a person might be able to accept themselves more. When the people around a survivor accept them for who they are, it’s easier for them to accept themselves. I know I have tried and I know I have failed at times but I have noticed a few things that have helped. First, it has helped me when my wife lets me know when something’s been said or done that has been or could be a trigger. Second, and probably the biggest, was encouraging and supporting her to seek justice. Third was moving out of our comfort zone of fundamentalism and into the unknown. We found a new church, friends who love God and have been a part of exposing abuse in fundamentalism.

DENIAL

My biggest surprise is that religious leaders have not been supportive of victims. Many deny helping a victim in lieu of  "protecting" their churches by covering the abuse. Unfortunately, the leaders are sometimes the ones doing the abuse. All the "protecting" only puts more people in danger. There are numerous stories of abusers who were "forgiven" and allowed to continue in the church only to find out years down the road a trail of victims because leaders denied help to the abuser and are basically complicate in the abuse of others they should have been protecting.

And then we have people who deny the validity of a survivor's story. It doesn’t matter the reason why you may want to question their story. They shouldn’t have to provide you with DNA evidence or even their name if they want to remain anonymous. Listen to them. Offer support and if possible, help them get justice.

Don’t deny that there is a problem. Don’t deny the fact that it might be happening in your church or religious organization. Just because people and organizations call themselves “Christian” or “Christ-like,” it does not mean that they are behaving themselves as Christ would behave.

“You’re Hurting the Name of God”

You might hear other variations, such as: “You’re hurting the Cause of Christ” or “God’s Name will be Damaged” or something along those lines. As a Christian, this is the last thing that you would want. Right after someone says this to you, you’ll probably hear them say that if unbelievers hear this they will not want to become Christians. This insinuates that you are stopping people from receiving Christ as their Savior because sin was made public for everyone to see and we should keep Christian shortcomings secret so that “the name of Christ is not hurt.”

Do you think that God is worried about His name? Do we see God covering up the sin of His people so that He does not get a bad name and reputation among unbelievers? What has been God’s public response to sin? In Scripture, these answers are better to see than when you’re down in the middle of the situation and living life but through Scripture we see how He protects His name.

I can imagine what people might have said to Samuel. “Hey, you’re hurting the name of God by confronting King Saul in front of all those people for not obeying by killing everyone and all the animals. He meant well and just made a mistake and He was going to offer the stuff to God anyway. That should count for something. Let’s not make a big deal out of this because you’ll make us look bad in front of the other nations.”

What about when Nathan confronted David about his sin? Can you imagine Nathan arguing with God? “God, I know David did wrong. I know he killed Uriah and a baby was conceived out of wedlock but he's the "man of God" and if you make everyone aware of the sin that he did, they’re going to question Your choice in making David king. I’d hate to see that and they are going to blame Bathsheba. They are going to start questioning her age, and if she consented. They’ll say that she did it on purpose to seduce him, or that the Philistines put her up to it. I just don’t think the nation of God can handle the scandal and ridicule that will happen. You also know that nobody’s going to want to come to Jerusalem to offer sacrifices and worship You. What about the tithes and offerings? Those are going to suffer.”

Can you imagine what the disciples were telling Jesus while he’s throwing out the money changers in the Temple? “Jesus, you’re hurting your name. Settle down. Why are you getting so mad? We’re in the foyer of the Temple and these are just people who have set up booths and display tables to sell things to believers to help them be better believers to serve God. You’re going to make yourself look bad and if people see your behavior they won’t want to follow you. If they are really doing something wrong, you need to follow your own teaching and go to them one on one and confront them of their sin. If they don’t listen, take us with you to confront them, and if that doesn’t work than you need to talk with the priests to get them kicked out. You’ve really need to think about your image before you start throwing things around.”

And what about Paul when he confronts Peter in Galatians 2? Those church leaders should have told Paul, “This is a local, independent, Baptist church and we just don’t confront other pastor’s in our fundamental circles. That would make us look bad and cast a bad light on the name of God and people might not want to join our congregation. We just don’t get involved in the affairs of other churches and you shouldn’t either. If you have a problem, you should probably just start your own church and do it your own way. We have these rules to make us conform to the image of God and if you can’t accept and look like us Christians, than you are probably just backslidden and need to get right with God.”

My above examples are just absurd but they sound familiar. People are so worried about “hurting the name of Christ” that they’d rather hide sin and cover abuse than to do what is right and what God in the OT and what Jesus and the apostles demonstrated in the NT. God says that “to obey is better than sacrifice.” If we apply that today, God would want us to do what’s right and confront sin instead of determining that we’ll just tithe more, serve more, preach louder, witness longer, make more rules, and “forgive and forget” because we don’t want our reputation spoiled because someone might not want to come to church with us because we don’t look righteous.

Daniel Leaf Indicted for His Abuse of Tina Anderson

Daniel Leaf has been indicted for his abuse of his stepdaughter, Tina Anderson, when she was a young child.

"Man named in rape trial now indicted:  Stepfather faces sex assault counts"
by Maddie Hanna on August 23, 2012

A few quotes:

"When she testified last year to being raped and impregnated as a teenager in 1997 by a married man who attended her Concord church, Tina Anderson told jurors she also had been sexually assaulted by her stepfather years earlier. 

Anderson said at trial that her mother and her pastor at Trinity Baptist told her to forgive her stepfather, Daniel Leaf, for the abuse, and he never faced charges in connection with her allegations. 

That changed last week, when a Merrimack County grand jury handed down two aggravated felonious sexual assault indictments charging Leaf with assaulting Anderson between 1990 and 1992, starting when she was 10 years old." 

The topic of "Forgive & Forget" was brought up at the trial of the man who was convicted of raping Tina. You can read more about that here.

Tina's biological mother, Chris Leaf allowed Daniel Leaf back in her home even though he had been imprisoned in Arizona and NH for abusing the children (convicted of assault with evidence of extensive bruising). In addition, Daniel Leaf was a convicted child sex offender. She continues to live with him today in NH. Clearly, she chose her pervert, pedophile, child abusing husband over the well-being of her children.

More from the article...

"He was also convicted of second-degree assault in 1992, according to the registry. Christine Leaf, his wife and Anderson's mother, testified in court last year that her husband had been found guilty of the assault for spanking her son. She said he spent seven years in prison for the sexual assault conviction, which she said related to a victim who wasn't one of her children.

Yesterday afternoon, Christine Leaf answered the door at the couple's house in Tilton and said she did not think her husband, who was inside, would wish to comment.

"Really, I don't think we have anything to say," Christine Leaf said, asked whether her husband maintains his innocence."

Hopefully, Daniel Leaf will finally be held accountable for the abuse of Tina. She deserves justice, as do all children abused by anyone. Children should be safe in their homes, churches and schools. In my opinion, pedophiles should never be released from prison. I believe the recidivism rate demonstrates that they just cannot be trusted to be around children ever again. Keeping them locked up seems to be the only way to protect children from them.

Don't Shoot the Messenger

A couple days ago I was talking with someone inside the IFB movement, who is very satisfied and comfortable with what they believe and made the statement that they aren’t going anywhere. While talking about it, they made at least two logical fallacies that I’m sure that most people in this person’s situation are making. The first was that we shouldn’t be talking about everybody’s abuse because we don’t know the whole story. It was stated that it was fine what we did and what was done to us was wrong and we could talk about it because we were there. The problem with talking about the other stories is that there are two sides to the story, and we don’t know all the details, we shouldn’t be saying anything about it. The reasoning is that these “victims” could be making it up to get attention and I was asked if I thought that was true. I said most people would not make up an abuse story. Even real victims don’t want to come forward because they don’t want the attention. I did say it highly unlikely and that we will always side with the abused. We will always speak up for them because they don’t always have a voice, especially in religious organizations and churches and we will always support the abused.

One of my biggest concerns is that the message of abuse in the churches is being dismissed because of the people trying to draw attention to the abuse. This was the other logical fallacy that was brought up. They stated that it looks like it’s just a vendetta against churches and that they’ll do anything for attention. They also said all the stuff they see on Facebook in reference to their lifestyle and everything else was making them not look credible and because of our association with them that we don’t look credible either. I tried to explain, briefly, that just because you don’t agree with how an advocate lives, does not lessen the importance or significance of what they are trying to say.

I’ve communicated with people from various religious, sexual, and political backgrounds with varying levels of interest from soft-spoken to overly-aggressive in stand against abuse. Every single one of the people has one goal in mind. Their goal is to stand up against the abusers. They have taken different methods and tactics but they want to see abuse end, no matter what the organization, whether church, college, children’s home, etc.

Another thing that keeps being mentioned is motives. I think we should worry more about what is being done than why it’s being done. Motives refers to the heart that we can’t see. Let God worry about that. We may assume or even be right about someone’s motives but don’t dismiss someone’s message because we think they have the wrong motives. It does not change the fact that abuse needs to be attacked. 

Mark 9: 38-40 John said to him, “Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us.” But Jesus said, “Do not stop him, for no one who does a mighty work in my name will be able soon afterward to speak evil of me. For the one who is not against us is for us.

Philippians 1:15-15 Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice.

Can I make a suggestion?  DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER. In other words, don’t dismiss them because they don’t think like you.

ADVOCATES – Keep your voice loud and clear! Keep up the fight, no matter the obstacles. Don’t attack each other. You’re on the same team, with the same goal, just in a different part of the war.  

IFB MEMBERS – Just because you don’t like someone’s beliefs or lifestyle, don’t ignore the warnings. The problem is real even though you don’t like it. Listen to the message, even if you don’t like the messenger. It’s important.

IFB PASTORS – Become an advocate!! Quit being quiet about the problem. Stand up for the victim and stand against the abuser. You’re so vocal on so many things that don’t matter. Be vocal for God’s children. Remember Jesus cleaning out the Temple? Do that! Help clean God’s House and throw out those who claim to serve God but are only serving themselves.

DEALING WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Most of us coming out of IFB churches and organizations have to deal with family and friends. This separation can put a lot of strain on you, your spouse, your kids, and those around you. For some, family and friends have chosen not to associate with you and have “separated” from you. This is not easy.

Every situation is different but I have a few suggestions on what you can do based on my personal experience.

REMEMBER

o   How hard it was for you to leave.

o   Why it’s hard for most people to leave.

·         The loss of family and friends

·         The lies, gossip, misunderstandings, mean, and unchristian things that will be done and said.

·         The assumption that they’re not following God any more and maybe they weren’t saved in the first place.

·         It's all they have ever known, and change is tough!

REALIZE

o   Some have spent decades in this type of church and organization and don’t know anything else.

o   They might not be aware of the abuses in other churches or possibly even their own church (lots of stuff is "behind the scenes" or hidden).

o   They’re comfortable where they are with what they know.

o   They might not see the problem.

o   If they do see a problem, they don’t know what to do.

o   That you didn’t see clearly all the abuse until you left.

REMAIN

o   Open to restoring relationships and friendships

o   Vigilant in pointing out abuse

o   Strong in your resolve to do what honors God

o   Prayerful – asking for deliverance of others from the hands of abusers

RESOLVE

o   To speak up for victims

o   To not attack others

I’m more fortunate than some in that my sisters and we love each other and haven’t broken fellowship over our differences. I’m sure they’re concerned for my family because we left the IFB and we’re concerned because they’re still in it. Either way, we love and support each other. With my dad’s situation, I’ve not told my dad but I can imagine a parent’s displeasure that you’ve chosen a different path than what you’ve been taught.

Our goal is for our family to honor and please God, not please others. We just pray that we can keep shedding the light on abuse to bring about a change in the system of religion that we grew up in. We pray for change and we see it slowly as people leave the IFB for churches that love God and each other.

IFB Churches - Be Warned

This week we’ve seen another story of another man, Jack Schaap, who, to put it mildly, abused his position of leadership. Whatever we’ve heard, we’ve only heard the tip of the iceberg. My guess is that this story is going to get a lot worse. You know what bothers me the most, other than I doubt this is the only victim? What bothers me most is that people in that church knew about his sins.

When I wrote, What’s Your Response to an Abscess? I warned that Tina’s story should be a wake-up call to church members and leaders in fundamentalism. This week is another warning and unfortunately, I don’t believe we’ve seen the end of it.

There is so much that I could write, and maybe I will in the future but this time, let me use Scripture as a warning to IFB churches, or any church or religious organization, who abuse.

Romans 2:1-24

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. ² We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. ³ Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? ⁴ Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? ⁵ But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed. ⁶  He will render to each one according to his works: ⁷ to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; ⁸ but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury. ⁹ There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, ¹⁰ but glory and honor and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek. ¹¹ For God shows no partiality. ¹² For all who have sinned without the law will also perish without the law, and all who have sinned under the law will be judged by the law. ¹³ For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified. ¹⁴ For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law. ¹⁵ They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them 16  on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus. ¹⁷ But if you call yourself a Jew and rely on the law and boast in God ¹⁸ and know his will and approve what is excellent, because you are instructed from the law; ¹⁹ and if you are sure that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, ²⁰ an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of children, having in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth— ²¹  you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself? While you preach against stealing, do you steal? ²² You who say that one must not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? ²³ You who boast in the law dishonor God by breaking the law. ²⁴ For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”

Matthew 23: 23-36

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!
    “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.
    “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.
    “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you build the tombs of the prophets and decorate the monuments of the righteous, saying, ‘If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ Thus you witness against yourselves that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets. Fill up, then, the measure of your fathers. You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell? Therefore I send you prophets and wise men and scribes, some of whom you will kill and crucify, and some you will flog in your synagogues and persecute from town to town, so that on you may come all the righteous blood shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah the son of Barachiah, whom you murdered between the sanctuary and the altar. Truly, I say to you, all these things will come upon this generation.
(Matthew 23:23-36 ESV)

Critique of CP's forgiveness (pg2)

FOUNDATIONS OF FORGIVENESS - Handout 2

Chuck Phelps is correct about mankind’s forgiven condition but then he gets to the definition of “forgive.” In column two he states, “The basic meaning of “forgive” is to release from a debt or penalty.” It sounds good until you realize that our debt and penalty is not released, it’s already been paid. Christ’s righteousness is applied to us. Yes, we don’t have to pay the penalty ourselves and in that sense we are “forgiven.” 

Why I think this is important is that just because forgiveness has been sought for and has been granted, it does not absolve the fact that there are consequences to doing wrong. Chuck Phelps is not dealing with it here but later we’re going to see God’s command to forgive, just like Christ forgave us, and we should, but that does not stop the consequences of sin and I believe this is a big area where Christians, especially IFB, have issues.

I think the courtroom and living room analogies are good. It gives you a visual of your relationship with God.

Chuck Phelps goes on to Practical Forgiveness. He’s right in that we can’t lose our salvation due to sinning after salvation. Security of the believer is important but I think it’s important to realize that we’re already forgiven and he does point this out. I’m concerned when he says, “fellowship forgiveness is conditional.” I don’t believe that our fellowship with God is ever broken, it may be strained or tense because we have sinned, but it’s never broken and God’s always there. This may be what Chuck Phelps is saying but I’m not sure. I John 1:9 is God’s promise to us that He’s not going to turn us down when we come to Him in humbleness of heart, asking for forgiveness.

Critique of Chuck Phelps' lessons on forgiveness (pg1)

I’m going to do a critique of Chuck Phelps’ forgiveness lessons that he did at CHBC around May 2012. It will be done in parts because there are so many things I want to address. I hope that you’ll bear with me. If you’d like to know my credentials and my background, check out my tab.

At first glance, Chuck Phelps’ forgiveness handouts look fine, professional, and credible. I would expect to see these in most other IFB churches. The concepts or different aspects of forgiveness that he is teaching are not original with him but I’m assuming that he put these together for his use in his church. On closer examination, I’m having some real issues with what he is teaching and others like him are preaching as well.

I’m beginning to realize that the reason people have a hard time understanding forgiveness is because of the way it is taught or explained. We get confused between God’s forgiveness and our own forgiveness and how that should look. The other confusion comes from the mixture of topics and/or incomplete explanations of different aspects of forgiveness. The way Scripture is used can also cause problems with understanding because it is not always used properly. I’m seeing all these issues and more as I study Chuck Phelps’ handouts closely.

Handout 1 – Jephthah – The Power of Finding Forgiveness

First of all, I find this a strange example to use for forgiveness. Nowhere in this story is forgiveness addressed. Yes, he was humiliated and rejected but nowhere in the story do I see forgiveness being asked for or received. There was a deal made and questions asked. Later he asks his daughter to forgive him of the vow he made but that’s not addressed in this lesson.

How about the following examples that could have been used?

            Adam and Eve – God’s forgiveness of their sin in the Garden of Eden.

            Joseph – forgiving his brothers who sold him into slavery. Definitely an example of humiliation and rejection.

            Bathsheba – abused by David’s power and authority. Whether it was willing or not, David took advantage of Bathsheba. That is abuse. Not only did he violate her, David also murdered her husband. We don’t see Bathsheba’s side of this story but at some point David probably asked for Bathsheba’s forgiveness.

            David – God’s forgiveness of David’s adultery, his counting the people, and other examples.

            Hosea – this prophet was instructed to marry a harlot who kept going back to her whorish ways and he kept bringing her back.

            Jesus – many, many examples but the biggest example is Him forgiving us of our sins on the Cross.

            Stephen – stoned

            Paul and Silas – jailed

I’m sure there are many, many other examples. These were the ones that came to me off the top of my head.

Forgiveness is difficult at times and the reasons that Chuck Phelps gives would be accurate.

Chuck Phelps then goes into How Forgiveness is Granted but does not really answer the question. He gives some aspects that might help in the forgiveness process and he uses Scripture out of context and misapplies the Scripture. James 5:16 has nothing to do with “the facts are clear.” It has to do with healing and making things right with one another and your prayers will be effective and powerful and healing will occur because you’ve made this right between God and each other.

James 5 would have been a good passage to use on Why Forgiveness is Necessary but it’s more from the aspect of confessing your sins and not necessarily forgiveness being granted, but that’s implied. In this section he says that in finding forgiveness, you find power. I realize what he’s trying to say but it’s actually the prayers that are effective and powerful. It’s more accurate to say that sin in your life is causing the loss of power. The emphasis seems misplaced in that it’s not the one granting forgiveness that gains spiritual power but the one asking for forgiveness of sin.

I Peter 3:7 tells you to honor your wife so that your prayers are not hindered. Although a husband may need to ask forgiveness from his wife from time to time, forgiveness is not what this passage is talking about.

Mark 11:25 says for you to forgive someone if you have something against them. This does not say who was in the wrong but ask forgiveness for what you have against them and in turn God will forgive you.

Acts 24:16 Paul made sure that he had a clear conscience with God and man.

Here is what occurred to me as I was going through this lesson. Our focus is on the wrong person. We talk about forgiveness and we focus on the person who was offended and sinned against and how they need to forgive. That is true but I believe our biggest focus should be on the one who did the offending and their confession of sin. It should be focused on the act of seeking forgiveness than giving forgiveness.

Tina's Blog

Tina has been writing some really good stuff from her heart. I'd encourage you to check it out.

A Real Attempt at Change or a "Show Window?"

What Real Change Looks Like - Part 1

What Real Change Looks Like - Part 2

Tina is blogging!

In one of my conversations with Tina recently, she mentioned that she had many things on her mind that she wanted to share with others and that she had been writing it all down. I was thrilled to hear this because I know how much she has encouraged me and others I know in our own journey of healing. I was also excited because there have been so many times I just wished people could see the beautiful spirit and soul that makes Tina who she is.

Healing from any kind of abuse is a personal journey. No one can make it for us and we'll all have variations that are unique to us. Tina's path is her own.

Two years ago this month, Tina's story went public when Ernest Willis was arrested. In April 2011, ABC 20/20 aired the episode featuring Tina's story (see press timeline here). It was one year ago this week that her rapist was finally brought to justice. Tina's willingness to let her story be told by the media has accomplished a number of things in the last two years:

1. Pastors were alerted to areas where they need to do better with policies and procedures in their own churches. Even in IFB circles there have been open conversations about the appropriate way to handle difficult circumstances involving minors, sexual assault and what "church discipline" is or should be. I'm no longer in IFB circles but I'm grateful to see these conversations happening. It is my prayer that more leaders within the IFB will be willing to step forward and push for change. Though the IFB leaders like to emphasize that they are "independent" and thus there is no real network, there are a number of influential organizations that can effect change if only their leadership would be willing to boldly talk about the way to handle abuse properly: 
• The Fundamental Baptist Fellowship International (For opportunities to contact influential leaders in the FBFI, see lists immediately below)
  • Officers of the FBFI
  • FBFI Board of Directors
  • FBFI Regional Directors
  • FBFI State/Country Representatives
  • FBFI Supporting Churches
• Trinity Baptist Church, Concord NH has been hosting a leadership conference for IFB churches in New England for over 20 years. These conferences are well attended and include guest speakers from many IFB organizations and churches. Current senior pastor, Brian Fuller, recently spoke at four chapel services in one week at Bob Jones University.
• Bob Jones University
• Maranatha Baptist Bible College
• Pensacola Christian College
• Northland International University
• Hyles Anderson College
• Ambassador Baptist College
• Crown College
• Golden State Baptist College
• International Baptist College
• Trinity Baptist College
• For other IFB colleges, click here
2. Because of Tina's courage many other victims have come forward and are finding help and healing. 
3. There has been an increase in awareness among church attenders of the problems associated with abuse--especially sexual abuse--and how it is handled in churches.
4. There has been an increased awareness of important safety concerns for parents. Just because a place SHOULD be safe for children doesn't mean it will be safe.
5. There has been a lot of public conversation for how to offer the best possible support for victims of abuse. This includes reporting to law enforcement agencies immediately, and making sure medical and licensed psychological support for healing is provided. 

If you have suffered from any kind of abuse, help is available! 

• Online assistance from the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline.  
• For assistance by phone, you can always reach your local rape crisis center directly by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

The title of Tina's blog is "Glimpses of Hope." I hope you are blessed by it as much as I am!