GUILTY ON BOTH COUNTS!

The jury returned a verdict of guilty on both counts!  Daniel Leaf has been found guilty of two counts of a class B felony. More information will follow. 

Concord Monitor article from November 18th

Discussion on the Verdict on the Facebook group

Thoughts as a second trial comes near for Tina

Ever since I started this blog about 3.5 years ago I've talked through almost every post with Tina before I posted it. Her voice was taken from her by those that abused her and enabled her abuse and I never wanted to speak for her because she is a strong woman--a beautiful survivor who speaks well for herself (see her personal blog here). 

My goal from the beginning has been to have a place where the facts of Tina's story were compiled in one place so Tina could see how much support was given to her, so pastors and churches that were willing could learn about the damaging effects of not properly handling abuse cases, and where resources could be put for survivors and churches.

Looking back, I can see some of the positive results from this blog. There have been many encouraging notes for Tina over the past 3.5 years. In fact, hundreds of people sent messages of support before the trial of Ernie Willis in May 2011. There have been some wonderfully supportive pastors and even some encouraging strides for the public message of the right way for churches to handle abuse. 

For this post though, I just want to share some things from my heart about Tina. They are things that I wish everyone could see about the amazing woman, mom and wife that Tina is and the beautiful heart she has.

Things I wish everyone could see about Tina

1. Her heart after receiving news she and Tim were subpoenaed to testify at the trial of her mother's husband:

• Testifying isn't something she wants to do, but something she is willing to do because she knows it is right.
• Any pain she experiences is worth it if even one child is saved from being a potential victim of a convicted sex offender.
• Her main concerns aren't for herself, but for her children and her mother. Yes, you read her words correctly--for the woman that gave birth to her and then rejected a natural mother's heart to choose again and again an abusive husband that wasn't the children's birth father. The man that has gone to prison twice for beating her children. The man that is also a convicted sex offender.

2. What kind of mom she is to her children. I've been able to spend a considerable amount of time with Tina and her family--especially with the surgeries that her youngest daughter had. These are my personal observations.

• She is deeply compassionate and kind. There has been a lot of trauma in their family with their youngest daughter having so many surgeries.
• Her patience knows no boundaries!
• She has a great sense of humor. There is a lot of laughing and fun in her home. Sometimes I just shake my head and laugh at her pranks on the kids (like wadded up tissue in their shoes for April Fool's day or putting ice down someone's back when they aren't looking).
• She really cares about providing healthy meals and snacks. She gets up at 4:00 a.m. every other Saturday morning to organize, sort and load baskets for two different co-ops so her family gets plenty of fresh veggies and fruits affordably. Her children think she's a great cook and prefer eating at home to eating out (my kids love to eat out--probably because I do LOL).
• She teaches her children from a relational position. She isn't afraid of her authority as "Mom" but she doesn't wield it like a weapon or some artificial power play. For instance, if one of the kids is extra wiggly and having a tough time concentrating on homework, she offers five minutes on the trampoline or a bike ride around the park. She understands what normal is and has appropriate expectations by age. She realizes that behavior indicates needs and works to meet those needs. 
• She's a tireless advocate for her children's needs at school.
• She sets aside time for her children to read, lets them earn video game time and helps them stay active by planning outdoor play.
• She lets them help in the kitchen, even if it makes a mess and then helps them clean up.
• She teaches them how to do basic chores and lets them be accountable for things they can do by themselves. She rewards jobs well done and reteaches when necessary.
• Her children love her and are very affectionate with her. They know that their mom loves them unconditionally. They trust her. They feel safe with her. They know she is on their side and will never hurt them.

3. Tim has posted about this before so I won't say much, but Tina is a great wife to her husband. 

• I've watched them together. It's obvious that Tina loves Tim very much. I have absolutely no doubt that Tim trusts her completely. 
• She respects Tim and manages the things she cares for in a way that he never has to worry.
• She speaks loving words often. It's not unusual to hear her say, "Hi Handsome" when he calls her on the phone.
• Tim is pretty amazing himself. Their marriage is a beautiful example of Jesus' love for us. They are unselfish with each other and work hard to provide security, love and safety for their family.

4. Tina as a friend.

• She's had no shortage of difficult circumstances in her life over the past few years, yet she's offered me just as much support as a friend as I have ever given her. I have observed her to be this way with all her friends.
• I have never known her to ever be selfish. I've watched her give sacrificially to others in need. I've truly been amazed by this.
• Tina never tries to draw attention to herself or her own needs. Instead, she is thoughtful and tries to think of ways to help others.
• She is a beautiful picture of what God's grace can do in healing. It's not that she doesn't have bad days, but she is transparent and real about them and gets the help she needs.
• She has an amazing capacity to love and encourage others. I see Jesus in her.

G.R.A.C.E. is a wonderful resource for churches!

I've mentioned G.R.A.C.E. on the blog before, but they deserve another mention tonight. Led by Boz Tchividjian and a great team of professionals, G.R.A.C.E. provides all kinds of resources for churches, from prevention of child abuse training, to response assistance when something happens, to all kinds of articles and even consultations if a church wants to contact them.

Not too long ago, a church in West Virginia found themselves in a very difficult situation. Boz blogged about it here. 

"A former church youth volunteer in Bluefield, West Virginia, was recently arrested on charges of child sexual abuse.  The arrest was a culmination of the actions by an amazing church that actually took the right steps when learning that one of its members was suspected of abusing a child.  As a result, at least 12 individuals have stepped forward to report being sexually abused as a child by this individual." (read the rest here)

Please read the whole blog entry. It's encouraging and well worth the read. 

I can't help but be encouraged to read this story. It brought tears to my eyes to think of the difference the way this church handled things will make in the lives of the victims as they journey to become survivors. 

It was my great pleasure to meet Boz Tchividjian in person at a conference in which he participated in Greenville, SC in September 2013. The host of the conference, North Hills Community Church, has posted all of the conference videos and power point files online. 

Tina Anderson came to visit during September so she could attend the conference as well. I remember sitting in the conference room at one point while we were taking a break and watching Tina hug and interact with some of the attendees at the conference. I couldn't help but smile and think about the good things God has done. So many survivors have been encouraged by Tina's willingness to tell what happened to her. More people than I can count have shared how her courage has inspired them. 

As Boz likes to say, "Aslan is on the move." Even in the dark and difficult days, God's grace is apparent. 

Thank you, Boz, for your faithfulness to assist churches so they know what to do. Your experience as a prosecutor of crimes against children has to have left you with some heavy heart burdens, but your willingness to use that to help others is making a difference!! 

Posting with a thankful heart,

Laurie Moody

Tina Asks: "Is a Broken Heart Worth the Cost?"

Tina wrote recently in a blog post that she received news her mother's husband will be prosecuted for sexual abuse. Tina and Tim have been issued a subpoena to appear at the trial.

Tina said on her blog:

"I really have no desire to go through the whole trial process again. I would much rather be home with my children. BUT I know that this is right. So many studies have shown that most sex offenders do not change and will re-offend. If my testimony can help prevent even one child from being hurt, then to me it is worth the pain that is inevitably coming."

Reporting an abuser and testifying in court is extraordinarily difficult and takes an immense amount of courage and support. Please take the time to read the entire post and leave a note of support. If you are a Christian, Tina would appreciate your prayers.

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Sexual abuse is one of the most under-reported crimes and one of the crimes with the highest recidivism rates. For more information about sexual abuse or assault and how to support survivors, please see the following resources.

RAINN.ORG

• Help a loved one.
• For adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/reporting-rates

NSOPW.GOV

The Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW) is an unprecedented public safety resource that provides the public with access to sex offender data nationwide. NSOPW is a partnership between the U.S. Department of Justice and state, territorial, and tribal governments, working together for the safety of adults and children.

• Help and Support for Victims
• Facts, Myths, Statistics

For the days you wish God had skin on - by Tina Anderson

This post is about as real and raw as it gets. I'm not usually quite this open, but I feel like I'm supposed to share this...

I typically think of myself as a pretty joyful and optimistic person, but lately that has been so tough. Our family has walked through some pretty big stuff with our youngest daughter (In the hospital 5 times in the last 6 months and 3 major surgeries during that time). We have walked through lots of tough stuff before, but for some reason I really struggled far greater this time.

My emotions have been raw. I have felt so very down. I told one of my closest friends "I never understood how someone could have so many great family members and friends and still feel so very alone". Never that is until the last few days. I know that emotions aren't a bad thing, and sometimes the amount of exhaustion your body is in plays into these emotions, but I was not prepared to be so depressed. That just isn't me. But the last few days it was...I cried...I wanted to be alone...I wanted to have a magic wand that would make everything all better.

At some point I realized that I had to make a choice. So, my choice was....................(To read the rest of Tina's post, go to Glimpses of Hope).